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Monday, August 21st, 2006
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4:55 pm
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So I'm kind of scared to say anything about this in case I jinx myself, but I might have met someone. A guy who seems really nice, although I thought Geoff and Devon were really nice when I first met them as well, so who knows.
The best part? Even if this does work out with him, he's deploying to Iraq in October.
*dies*
ETA: In case anyone was wondering -- no, the guy I'm talking about is not Sergeant Doom. Or Major Badger. As awesome as that would be.
current mood:  anxious
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| Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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10:26 pm
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So, am back at everyone's favorite military academy, where the fun never stops. The year got off to a bang today when I discovered at a company weigh-in, in front of a bunch of guys, that I have gained approximately seven hundred million pounds over the summer. Apparently, that whole thing where I started eating again once I got away from my noxious ex-boyfriend (Geoff II: Electric Boogaloo, for those of you who remember that first little fiasco) was not such a great idea after all.
I think I won't worry about this. I am just going to smile sweetly a lot and tell myself that I am like a luscious ripe peach, bursting with womanliness. Also, muscle is heavier than fat, and my favorite jeans totally shrank in the wash. So there you go.
Also, a couple of Internet Things that irritated me today, because I know you all care so much:
1. The fact that it is generally considered socially unacceptable for a man to hit a woman is not just some kind of inexplicable form of polite male chauvinism. The average man is a lot bigger than the average woman. Bigger people hitting smaller people = greater potential for harm than vice versa.
2. I hope those creatures who raped that Iraqi girl and killed her family spend the rest of their lives in jail. That said, people who think that those guys are in some way representative of the Army as a whole are idiots and I want to drop rocks on them. It's like assuming that all New Yorkers are like the Son of Sam.
On the bright side, my sister made it through Beast fine, so everyone shriek ecstatically for her. Also I saw a bunch of armadilloes while I was at Fort Stewart, so you should all be fairly excited for me as well.
ETA: I forgot to add one of the other exciting things that happened at Fort Stewart: I met a guy named Sergeant Doom. Seriously. Like, the nametapes on his BDUs said "DOOM." His full name is Sergeant First Class Byron P. Doom. Is that not completely awesome?
Son of ETA: Not quite as awesome, but according to a sign on the wall there's a guy working downstairs whose name is Major Badger. I'm going to be really sad when I meet him and it turns out that he isn't actually a friendly, anthropomorphic woodland creature.
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| Saturday, July 8th, 2006
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11:47 pm
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Just popping up again to throw out a request for recs of funny, hot, well-written PotC fics with basically any permutation of Jack/Elizabeth/Will/Norrington, because I've been looking on my own and it is a painful process. First there was the Elizabeth-bashing, and then there was this fic that referred to Jack's "dual lusts," and, you know, ew. I'm all in favor of bisexuality (and with Jack, I think it's practically canon), but "dual lusts" sounds like an extra feature on an expensive car.
So, um... help? Please?
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10:43 pm - the tide is high but I'm holding on
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I am so happy right now.
Reasons why:
1. I saw my high school friends last night, some of whom I haven't seen for three years, and they are awesome and rock. And I ate a lime. Like, there were snacky things on the table, chips and such, and also a large and inexplicable pile of limes. So I peeled one and ate it. It was very good. Also there was rum! Apparently when I drink rum I feel happy and giggle a lot and fall over things and sing that cadence about killing the baby seals.
2. Speaking of rum, the new PotC movie = heart. So much. I think that's partly why I feel so floaty and happy right now -- I have that feeling that you get when you first fall in love and you want to dance around the kitchen and there are stars and Care Bears and Hallmark cards and God knows what. Except that I'm in love with Jack Sparrow. Oh, Jack. Why is it that a scruffy guy with a forked beard and beads in his hair somehow seems to embody every sexual fantasy I've ever had? (I think it might be the boots. Also there is the whole Johnny Depp factor.) Especially when ( spoilerish fun things happen. )
3. I ordered Eminem's Encore, the DVD of Kate and Leopold (incidentally I saw this movie at MoMA a couple weeks ago, and, seriously, where has this movie been all my life, what with the awesomeness and the old-New-York-ness and the wormholes and Hugh Jackman in awesome boots?), and The Best of Blondie off Amazon a few days ago, and they weren't supposed to get here until next week, but they came today. So now I can dance around the kitchen singing about how when you met me in the restaurant, you could tell I was no debutante, and other such awesomeness. Blondie's music tastes like ice cream. Cold as ice cream, still as sweet...
4. I've been reading Joseph Campbell a lot lately, and there's a bit in his discussion of the Coptic Christians where he describes sixth-century Egypt as being "infested with hermits." This is my new favorite phrase.
So, overall, in the immortal words of Aziraphale, "I think the phrase you use is whoo-eee."
(Although it probably does say something about me that when I find myself feeling genuinely happy and giddy and silly, the feeling is so unfamiliar that I have to step back from it and try to pin down the precise sources of said happiness in a wtf-how-did-this-happen sort of way. But enough of the depressing parentheticals.)
I'm going back to Georgia on Monday to hang out with a platoon of electricians, plumbers, and masonry specialists for a month, so, you know, woot and such. If it turns out I don't have internet access down there, I wish you all an awesome rest-of-summer. With pirates on top.
current mood: dancing
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| Saturday, July 1st, 2006
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10:57 pm
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So! I finished Airborne school last week. I jumped out of a plane five times and did not die or break bones, so I say thank God and go team me. Also, thanks for your good wishes, comment-y people. You guys rock and are awesome.
( About Airborne school... )
So I've been back in the city for a few days now, with my pretty silver Airborne pin and a bunch of new church-lady-looking clothes that I bought in Georgia because my own clothes were too tasteless and unusual. My favorite aspect of the for-girls-only dress code: we weren't allowed to wear open-toed shoes, because of foot fetishists. Foot fetishists! I mean, jeez, it's one thing to ask us not to go around in nipple tassels and Daisy Dukes, but open-toed shoes? Even in Iran women can wear sandals in the summer.
But we couldn't. So... white Keds and pastel T-shirts from the Gap it was. Fun.
And now my sister is a New Cadet! She reported for the beginning of Beast on Monday, and I went up to see her yesterday at Jewish services, and she seems to be having a pretty good time, all things considered. Her squad leader told her she was a disgrace because she never can find anything and she fidgets in formation (I think it runs in the family) but she did more push-ups than most of the guys in her squad, and she outran a lot of them, and apparently one of the upperclassmen looks like Heero from Gundam Wing, which seems to be a major source of consolation. So wish her luck, everyone, and to all a good night.
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| Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
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10:25 pm
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So... tomorrow I will be going to the Land of Not Updating Because I Actually Have No Internet Access, as opposed to the Land of Not Updating Because I Am Lazy and My Life Is Boring, where I normally am. That is to say, tomorrow I'm heading back to West Point (I'm at home right now) to take an eighteen-hour bus ride down to the place where you fall out of planes and hang out with sketchy guys.
(Except the sketchy guys will probably not be at all interested in me, because apparently Fort Benning's regulations prohibit the wearing of "clothing that presents a provocative appearance," tank tops, tube tops, bikini tops, and "tasteless or unusual shorts." Which, hi, there goes my entire wardrobe, except for this one really boring black t-shirt that I never wear. And I'll probably have to go naked from the waist down, since all my jeans and skirts are at least intended to present a provocative appearance, and my one pair of shorts is probably both tasteless and unusual. So maybe the guys will like me after all!)
I'm bringing my Tibetan Buddhist pop-up shrine for good luck, since after all it has five different emanations of the Buddha, and some of them have serpents with them, and you would think that at least one of them ought to be relevant to Airborne school. Also it ought to ensure that my roommates think that I am insane, or at least a New Age flake, and, hey, I'm all about truth in advertising.
So... wish me luck! And have a great summer, y'all.
(BTW, Abbey, I am really sorry I didn't call you back -- I kept meaning to, but then someone would be like "Let's go to the zoo and look at the prehensile-tailed skink!" and I wouldn't get around to it. I will call you, I promise. I hope everything's going well with you.)
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| Friday, May 26th, 2006
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8:34 am - Stupid Things I Have Done Lately
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1. I got sprayed in the face by an automatic air freshener. I didn't even know such a thing existed, but I was in the girls' bathroom, and there was this strange digital device on the wall that was making a sort of sput-sput-sput noise. I peered at it closely to investigate, and it promptly sprayed air freshener into my eyes. And nose. And mouth. Gah.
2. I smacked my own self in the face while I was taking a shower yesterday. I was in a hurry, and I splashed some water on my face a little too enthusiastically, and -- smack, that was my palm connecting with my nose. It hurt.
3. I gave myself a headache by hitting myself in the head. As I was coming back from breakfast this morning, I was talking to the guy I have a crush on (the one who has a girlfriend -- of course) and he was teasing me about something, so I hit him in the head with my hat. Then after he went away I remembered that he had just had his wisdom teeth out a couple of days ago, and wondered if I'd actually hurt him, so I hit myself in the head with my hat to see what it felt like. Now my head hurts slightly. Also the people who were in the hallway behind me probably think I'm insane.
I think I win at life.
current mood: my mom thinks I'm special
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| Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
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11:28 pm
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Things On The Internet Which Are Irritating, and Should Go Away
1. People who think that, if women can "opt out" of pregnancy by having an abortion, men ought to be able to opt out of paying child support. Because a) the right to make your own medical decisions is not the same as the right to do whatever you want with your money, and b) whatever anybody thinks about individual choice, there's still a baby there who needs food and shelter and medical care.
2. People who think that skinny girls are disgusting. No, of course, I don't think that skinny girls get anywhere near as much appearance-related bullshit as overweight people do, but I still get annoyed when someone posts a picture of a skinny girl and everyone starts jumping up and down about how disgustingly skeletal she is and how she must have an eating disorder. To wit: a while ago, somebody posted a scan of a Maxim cover (sorry, I forget where) -- a picture of a dark-haired girl in a red bikini, kneeling, smiling, and sticking her chest out at the camera. Immediately, half the community was all like "omg ewww you can see her RIBS!" Um, hi, if you are fairly thin and you decide to stick your chest out like a pigeon, your ribs will show. This is not disgusting. Or unhealthy. So STFU.
3. People who post stupid bullshit in a community, wait for the snarky responses to come rolling in, and then respond "I must have touched a nerve. Maybe you should think about that."
4. People who tell pregnant teenagers that they suck at life because "no one should have sex unless they're prepared to take care of an infant!" Because in the first place, not helpful, and, in the second place -- hi, there are these things called birth control, abortion clinics, and adoption agencies. Check it out.
5. Any variant on this conversation:
Person A: *random opinion*
Person B: *disagrees*
Both: *long heated argument*
Person A: OMG, you're arguing with me on the Internet! You must have no life!
Person B: You're arguing with me on the Internet. So you must not have a life either.
Person A: Well, I'm not really arguing with you -- I'm just laughing at you! You're the one who cares so much about Internet bullshit. You are a loser and lol@you.
Person B: I don't care about this at all either! I'm laughing at you more.
Both: *continue, ad nauseum*
Me: *drops rocks; everyone dies*
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| Monday, May 22nd, 2006
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10:49 am
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Amusing minor transgression of the day: a cute, goofy-looking plebe in my company got in trouble for describing himself as "The Head Nigga In Charge" on his Facebook page.
Also, in what universe is it normally 40 degrees outside in late May? Jeez. Especially since Obnoxious Roommate insists on keeping the window wide open, "for fresh air," even though the air in question is not so much fresh as it is two parts dust and three parts diesel exhaust, thanks to the never-ending construction going on outside.
Plus -- Airborne school. In ten days. Aieeee. Everyone keeps telling me the story about the girl who didn't jump far enough when she jumped out of the plane and she hit her head and knocked herself out and then her parachute didn't open and she couldn't do anything because she was unconscious and she died. Fun times, y'all.
current mood: pretty good, actually.
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| Saturday, May 20th, 2006
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11:01 pm - I love this site.
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| Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
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9:44 pm
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In other studying-induced randomness, I just have to inform you that spellcheck thinks that the artist Pontormo is actually named "pinworm."
Right now I'm studying Masaccio's painting of Christ finding money in a fish. That's such an awesome miracle. "At the left, Saint Peter extracts the coin from the fish's mouth, and, at the right, he thrusts the coin into the tax collector's hand." Saint Peter totally has this irritable look, like, "Hi, nobody told me that being a disciple of Christ would mean that I'd have to extract something from a fish. Ew." The tax collector doesn't look too happy about it, either.
Also it has chiaroscuro and atmospheric perspective, which is the part I actually have to know.
ETA: And now instead of studying, I'm sitting here kind of wondering how the fish felt about the whole thing. Not great, is my guess.
Son of ETA: I love the Dadaist Manifesto. It is hilarious.
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8:37 pm
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It definitely says something about my mid-studying-frenzy mindset that a girl I barely know sent out a very detailed review sheet for my art history exam, and I immediately wanted to rush over to her room and have ten million of her babies right there on the spot.
Also, I am very amused by this "secret society," called the Torch and Pillar, that has been uncovered at West Point. Some guy in the society accidentally e-mailed their sekrit papers to someone who wasn't in the society, who thought it was hilarious and immediately forwarded the e-mail to five million of his closest friends. It includes their club charter and all the members' names and their rules and an Invitation for Membership that is written in a scary gothic font. The club charter explains how the society is for West Point's "best and brightest" (who are, totally coincidentally I'm sure, all male), and ( just to make sure the Torch and Pillar guys really want to kill me, here are their Sekrit Rules, in case you're interested. )
I love how "my generations best and brightest" apparently are not bright enough to figure out how to use this magic secret thing called an apostrophe.
Also I love that 22-year-old members who graduated last year are now "patriarchs of the society."
I wonder what they do at their top-secret meetings? I have no clue, but I'm guessing it involves whipped cream, shared showers, and exercises in patting yourself on the back without dislocating your arm.
current mood: lol@them
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| Monday, May 15th, 2006
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11:53 am
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So this is my schedule this week:
Monday 0735-1105 -- Electrical Engineering Final
Tuesday 0735-1105 -- Film and Film Theory Final
Tuesday 1500-1830 -- Advanced Composition Final
Wednesday 0735-1105 -- Art After Giotto Final
Thursday 0735-1105 -- Eastern Philosophy Final
Thursday 1500-1830 -- Military Leadership Final
Friday 1500-1830 -- Literary Criticism Final
*dies*
Then I get to go home for the weekend.
Fun, isn't it?
So, this morning was electrical engineering, which was very very long and aggravating, and I think there were about nine problems, each of which had multiple parts, plus an extra credit one. The Person Who Must Not Be Named is in my EE class, and naturally he was there, and naturally he had to sit right in front of me so I had to look at him the whole time. Then he finished just as I was starting the ninth problem (which had about ten or eleven parts), so he decided that it would be a good idea to go out in the hallway and talk loudly to the teacher about his girlfriend. Which definitely really helped me concentrate, since it wasn't like I was distracted by wanting to beat him over the head with a chair or anything. I barely finished the test, and didn't get to do much with the extra credit.
*screams and kills him, a lot*
current mood:  angry
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| Thursday, May 11th, 2006
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9:35 pm
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Just so that you all understand how tremendously patriotic I am, I want you to know that I spent two hours today in public in white pants that come up to my ribcage. And they are held up with suspenders. And they stick out three inches at either hip, like Oompa-Loompa pants. And they are transparent, so you have to wear white underwear, and the only white panties I had available were the hideous ones they issued us when we first got here, and those are giant white granny panties with horrible thick seams that cut into your hips. And I wore them! I tore them off as soon as I got back to my room after the parade, but still. They were on my actual body. Ew.
The things I do for my country, y'all.
(I think now I will go clean out my trunkroom locker. I'm really looking forward to this, actually, and not even sarcastically. My trunkroom locker is like an archaeological dig; there are layers of weird crap in there that go back three years. I'll probably find some ex-boyfriends buried in there along with the long underwear I never used and the hideous shoes I was wearing when I first reported here.)
ETA:
Things I Found In The Great Trunkroom Organization Frenzy:
1. The socks I was wearing when I reported here.
2. A ticket stub, dated 2003, for a movie called "Hollywood Homicide," which I have never heard of and do not remember seeing.
3. Two starched handkerchiefs.
4. A pink silk parasol.
5. A devil mask.
6. My pathetic little notepad from Beast, full of the lines I had to write as punishments for stuff and various other things that I wrote down because I had to memorize them, like the Mission of the United States Military Academy and the mess hall menu for July 14, 2003.
7. A notebook full of porn I wrote in high school and never got around to posting anywhere.
8. A vampire cloak and a fake leopard-skin coat.
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4:00 pm
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Y'all, I just called the travel people to confirm my itinerary for the summer, and they were all helpful and nice and confirmed my flights and told me that I could access the itinerary at a website called virtuallythere.com.
Which, of course, is not loading. Virtuallythere.com is not there. It is gone. Vanished. Or at least temporarily down.
This is so like my life.
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| Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
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10:25 am
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I think the main thing I've learned here (besides "do not try to fix your blistered feet with duct tape, even if your squad leader tells you to") is that if a guy tells you that he's not like all the other guys out there, you should believe him. Because he's telling the truth -- he's not like all those other guys. He's a hell of a lot worse.
/bitterness.
On a slightly more positive note, I've been discovering recently that running is awesome. I never liked it before, really, but lately I've been doing this thing where I just run all over post exploring and looking for interesting animals and flowers and finding out where paths go, and it's so much fun.
Yesterday, when I was out running, I came to a dead end on a road up in the back hills and it seemed boring to just turn around and go back, and I totally thought I saw a dirt path going down this steep wooded hill to the side of the road, so I was all like, ooh, let's see where this path goes. Partway down the hill, I realized that what I had thought was a path was more like actually just a few flattened places where people had had picnics and left beer bottles, but by that time I had climbed over so many rocks and shoved through so many prickly bushes that I didn't feel like going back up. So I kept going, and it was raining, and then my foot cramped up badly and it was hard to walk so I sat down to rub it. And you know, I totally wanted it to be a "we're trapped in the woods and hopelessly lost!" kind of death-defying adventure situation, except that, actually, I could see a bit of the parking lot in the distance through the trees, and I could hear cars, so I knew where the road was. But there were prickly bushes! And rocks! And muscle cramps! So it totally counted as an adventure.
current mood:  okay
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| Monday, May 8th, 2006
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9:00 pm
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So I ran into the guy I have a crush on at choir practice, and he and I walked back to the barracks together. Naturally I spent most of the walk turning bright red and babbling stupidly. I think I talked about woodchucks, mostly. Also hodags. Then before we got back to our building, he stopped off at the building where his girlfriend lives.
Sigh.
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| Friday, May 5th, 2006
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7:56 pm
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This is the depth to which I have sunk: it's Friday night, and in a desperate attempt to not be upset about the Person Who Must Not Be Named, who is probably busy talking to this awesome civilian girl who is so important to him, I am trying to distract myself by writing an extra-credit report for my electrical engineering class. I have about two and a half pages so far. It has to do with electric motors. And robots. It isn't even due for a week.
Sigh.
I guess this is what emo people do when they outgrow their teenage goth phase: they do extra-credit homework instead of cutting themselves.
ETA: I wrote this entry while I was waiting for howstuffworks.com to load. This is getting to be just ever-so-slightly pathetic.
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| Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
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12:30 pm - just for a change of pace
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Some Things That Rock:
1. My stuffed blue hippopotamus. I bought him at the Metropolitan a few weeks ago, and I love him very much. His tag says that his name is William and that he has supernatural powers. I pat him a lot for good luck.
2. The fact that I met Uma Thurman's brothers yesterday. My Eastern Thought class went on a tour of the Tibet House, which is run by Uma Thurman's father, and one of her brothers gave us a very erudite tour/lecture while the other one worked the cash register in the gift shop. The gift-shop brother is amazingly gorgeous and looks just like her. My parents tagged along on the trip, since it was in Manhattan, and my mother and I kept having to hide in the bathroom to shriek at each other.
3. Partly so that I would have an excuse to talk to the gorgeous gift-shop-working Thurman brother, I bought a Tibetan Buddhist pop-up altar. It is amazingly awesome and beautiful and looks great on my bookcase next to the toy alligator and the plastic iguana and the stuffed bedbug and the three plastic snakes. It comes with five different beautifully-painted pop-up reproductions of Tibetan religious icons, and an appropriate mantra to recite in Tibetan with each one. As my teacher pointed out, it's a really good deal because you get five different emanations of the Buddha for the price of one. Also the mantras are cool because they make me feel like those people in The Evil Dead who read the words from the book bound in human skin and the demons start rising up in the backyard and the trees are raping people and stuff. Very awesome.
4. The new trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean! It has ( mmm, spoilertastic. )
current mood: working on that one.
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| Thursday, April 27th, 2006
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10:04 pm
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Every step that I take towards completely cutting Devon out of my life, I feel kind of like I'm balancing on a rickety board fence. Every step I take, I feel scared and upset and it's hard to breathe and I'm telling myself, "It'll be okay, I'm good, I can do this," and it's not really altogether unpleasant.
*takes deep breaths*
I am sort of okay right now. It's not going to last, but I'm hoping that the periods of being okay will get longer.
Thanks, everyone, for being awesome and supportive and generally rocking.
(Somehow I feel like my livejournal has turned into a compilation of stories for a book with a title like Chicken Soup for the Insane. I could swear I used to write about fandom, and politics, and porn, and fun stuff like that, instead of just being the All Angst, All Me, All The Time, watch-Lydia-implode show. Sorry, anyone who's still reading.)
Along the lines of moving along with my life, and things like that... I friended a couple of hot guys on the Facebook. And it took me, like, a half hour to work up the nerve to hit the "add to friends" link. Am I not beyond pathetic? Hi there, social anxiety! You and I are going to get along great.
current mood: okay
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